Plenty of sites out there require you to audition before you can become a commenter, like this one and that one and this one. What a concept! Screen potential commenters based on editorial discretion, secret formula, whim, the same exacting blogging standards that our parents held us to when we were young or some proprietary hippness coefficient.
If it’s good enough for them then it’s good enough for Bold Lentil. This post will serve as open tryouts to become a Bold Lentil commenter.
First though the rules – we don’t want to be accused of lack of transparency.
- you will be deducted one point for each mispelling.
- you will be deducted 10 points if you include the word “monkey”.
- you will be given one point if you link to your own blog.
- you will be given 5 points if you use more than 123 characters.
- you will be deducted 5 points if you use more than 678 characters.
- boring is good, save the good stuff for an actual post that requires rhetorical skill, snark or both.
If your score is greater than -42 then you will be approved as a commenter. Otherwise you can appeal the above scoring to be put on probation. Although if too many of you fail I may be forced to write a “Blog Commenting for N00bs” post to build a community of capable, mutually inspiring, harmonious, witty, respectful and thoughtful wisenheimers.
March 13, 2008 at 5:02 am
Me jaast whant too saa,”MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY!”
aIN’T got know blog for too lynk, is dis enuf carakters?
March 13, 2008 at 7:53 am
7. you will also be deducted 2 points for excessively bad grammar.
But lynk! That has diamond in the jello appeal! It speaks to great American undertakings that involve being Quik(tm), happing at Nite(tm) or are incredibly Eazy(tm). And lynk plays well with other words – think lynkbait… And so like Dumbledore at the end of seemingly lost cause for the house cup, I clap my hands, and award you +201 points for coining a webworthy neologism.
Kevin you are approved as a commenter.
March 13, 2008 at 7:58 am
The quick brown fox wept over the klepto dog.
March 13, 2008 at 8:01 am
Qwerty – Approved. Nice quasipangram.
March 13, 2008 at 8:47 pm
My recent random acquisitions include a 24-pack of Mexican Coca-Cola (with real sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup); unpleasant pain in my hands; and a crazy $300 ergonomic keyboard.
March 13, 2008 at 9:42 pm
calculusdude16 – Approved. We expect great things from you – that list shows promise.
March 14, 2008 at 8:08 am
Thank you for having an open audition for commenter. Unfortunately my web commenting time is already allocated for the next six months and at this time I can not commit to being a commenter for Bold Lentil. Furthermore some of these posts seem a bit, uh dodgy, walrus skulls? picking unlucky numbers? Thanks again but I am afraid I must decline. best
H.I. Brau
March 14, 2008 at 8:10 am
H.I. Brau – Approved. We look forward to more non-committal comments in the near future.
April 4, 2008 at 10:33 am
Pumpkins are scary.
April 4, 2008 at 10:38 am
Approved – and you will be warned in advance of any pumpkin posts.